I went to see the boy with no soul today, again! I don't know why I do it to myself or how I really feel about him, I know everytime I see him I just feel really shit about myself and when we make love it just doesn't feel right anymore, I don't know. I think it doesn't feel right because I don't trust him and it's always so rushed, and I never really know what he's thinking.

I did get to talk to him a bit though, which was a change! normally we never speak, I asked him about why he broke up with his girlfriend, and I know she was pretty uber! but fucking hell, he told me that her dads worth 7 million, she went to Cambridge to study law, she will be earning 70 grand a year before too long, she's a tennis coach, a singing coach, she plays piano to grade 2, she's like really famous in south Africa and will soon be releasing an album! she's also quite pretty .. and I just sat their feeling like a total .. potato, how can I compete with that? I'm just the girl he calls up, charms in to coming to see him for an hour, fucks and then throws out,

I always feel pretty rubbish after seeing him, but right now I feel spectacularly dreadful! and I miss my mum pretty bad.